Every now and again my dear wife gets frustrated because she says I don’t listen to her.
Initially I thought this was ridiculous and cited that it wasn’t fair to address important topics at inappropriate times. For example, don’t tell me important shit that I’m supposed to remember while I’m watching the Eagles game or the English Premier League weekly highlights show.
But slowly I started realising that it wasn’t just these times that I was falling below the acceptable level and any man who has a wife will tell you, you’re living dangerously if it continues.
I totally understand. A woman needs to be listened to. They’ve always shared the larger load of the housework and the majority of the time, they organise absolutely everything. I mean, come on, if someone asks me if I’m free to do something, the automatic response is to look over at my wife with innocent enquiring eyes. If she’s not in the room, I simply tell the inquisitor that I’ll need to check with ‘the boss’ and get back to them. She’s managing all the information, the least I can do in return is bloody well listen.
I want to be a good listener, I love my wife. The last thing I want her to think is that I don’t care what she says.
The issue is that this requires a really concious effort from me. I day dream like seven hours a day. My mind auto pilots between tunnel vision and fairyland. I’m trying to correct this. But men are great thinkers after all.
Let me tell you. There’s absolutely nothing that makes your heart drop like a ‘you’re not listening to me are you?’
The statement snaps you out of your blank stare like a jack in the box and you sort of just stand there bobbing back and forth with abject terror in this strangely surreal fight or flight scenario, while wondering if in fact, you had just been drooling.
It’s like getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar and I do so hate that feeling.
I also hate the feeling of letting my beloved down.
The other day we had family around and I had just come out of the pool. Amanda asked me if I could go to our bedroom and grab her thongs for her. Being eager to please, I rushed off to search for them like an enthusiastic little puppy.
That’s when I came across the profound long lost memory that a mongoose could actually take on a snake. Did you know that if there is a fight between a mongoose and a snake, the mongoose will usually win?
I pondered the fact. I really didn’t know that much about the mongoose, but from what I did know, this animal wasn’t holding a high enough position on my favourites list.
There’s the bike named the mongoose, I wonder what’s in the…
‘Ah I asked you to grab my thongs.’
I realised I was back in the living room. Looking down, I noticed that I had actually retrieved some thongs. But they weren’t actually Amanda’s. They were mine. And they were now on my feet.
I am definitely aware that I have a problem. I really need to work out how to get this issue under control.
Clearly Luminosity isn’t working.
This is a cry for help. All suggestions welcome.