The most beautiful thing about children is the opportunity to observe them in all their innocence, as they test the boundaries of their freedom while exploring the world around them.
Asserting our authority over our children is usually legitimate. Like the authority of a restraining hand on the side of a busy road.
But are all our forms of legitimate authority applied at the correct times with our children?
I found myself questioning this on a morning run recently.
I was listening to Building a Better Vocabulary, a series of lectures by Professor Kevin Flanigan from Great Courses (nowhere near as boring as some might imagine). I was pleasantly surprised while listening to a chapter on words for teaching and learning, to hear a favourite erudite mentor of mine, Naum Chomsky, mentioned.
Naum Chomsky is one of the most quoted men in the world, a major critic of anti-intellectual hypocrisy and most notably, referred to as the father of modern Linguistics due to his ground-breaking critique of BF Skinner’s, Verbal Behaviour.
One prominent argument of Chomsky’s was to successfully challenge a key component of Skinner’s philosophy, behaviourism, which states that human verbal behaviour consisted of repeating words and sounds we hear from others.
Chomsky brought up the subject of children’s grammatical errors in speech as an example.
Think of the all the times you ever had the pleasure of hearing your young one say ‘she hitted me’ or ‘we know how to do that do we, Daddy?’.
Chomsky pointed out that this is because children are little linguists with an innate ability to form their own language. When you hear children make these adorable gaffs, you are seeing them create their own language by reaching out and putting words and sounds together to create meaning. If children simply repeated what they heard from their parents or guardians, they would use the same terminology.
Considering this concept made me immediately assess my interactions with my two daughters.
Whenever I have spent my time observing my little ones in the past, I would correct them immediately upon seeing the wrong spelling or hearing their errors in pronunciation, never noticing the wondrous creativity that brought them to that point.
I wonder about the effect of failing to realise this creativity and incredible insight on a child’s development and confidence. How many times have I unassumingly strolled by this camouflaged window into the world of human genius, unshackled from the debilitating chains of expected societal norms?
How many times have I leapt straight over this creativity to militant correction?
I’ve decided to make a new commitment to myself. From now on, in those moments, I will choose to sit by that window and observe their brilliance. Those inner workings of a little mind capable of something so truly profound and amazing.
And I’ve thought of other areas where I can apply these concepts. Letting them ride a little further ahead, letting them explore without hovering, letting them tell their story all the way to the end without interruption or correction from me.
If we don’t give them the room to find themselves, how will we ever truly see who they are?
This holiday season gives us all a chance to spend some precious time with our kids and give them the attentiveness they deserve and require. Armed with this little anecdote, I feel I am well equipped to make the most of this time.
Before I extend my legitimate hand of authority over my little ones in the future, I will first take the time to revel in the beauty of a child acting and growing in their natural environment.
One where they are happy, safe, and most importantly, exhilaratingly free.
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